By Michaela P. Shelton
In 2018, it seems as if people are incapable of being alone. Why? Because attention and interaction are so easily accessible. If someone is lonely all they have to do is open up a social media or dating app. With Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Tinder at the tip of our fingertips, it’s hard for someone to truly be alone.
Women are always preaching about being independent and not “needing a man.” We are constantly reminding society that we have what it takes to be self-sufficient and single, but some women’s actions show otherwise. I personally am guilty of this. Many times I have said I will not date or get to know any men so I can “focus on me”, but as soon as one approaches me or slides into my DMs, I fall right back into the cycle. Everything I declared about “loving myself” and “finding happiness from within” goes right out the window and I’m right back depending on a man to make me happy and fill a void.
I used to feel so pathetic when I realized what I was doing, but then I realized I am not alone (no pun intended). A lot of women fall victim to being dependent on comfort from a man. My point in saying this is to remind women that we can’t keep doing this! We can’t keep letting men control our happiness and overall lives. We have to take control.
Instead of looking to a man for love, we need to truly be able to love ourselves and be alone. If we can truly find solace in ourselves, we will be able to live more meaningful and fruitful lives. After I left a tumultuous relationship, I didn’t know what to do. I started seeking attention from other men because I thought that was the only way I’d find happiness again. However, I quickly found out that wasn’t the answer. Relying on comfort from men who didn’t really care about me to get a false sense of love and comfort was unhealthy and detrimental. My past actions reminded me that “all company is not good company.”
So at this point, I started to ask myself… what can I do that is healthy and will make me happy? I started to brainstorm and came up with a few tasks: writing, getting more sleep, getting my nails done, going to the gym, spending time with my friends and becoming more outdoorsy. It wasn’t easy, but I started doing more of these tasks and spending less time worrying about the opposite sex and I started to feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. I was fine if I didn’t get a lot of likes on my photos, I was fine if I didn’t get a good morning text and I was fine if I didn’t have anyone to Netflix and chill with me… I started to genuinely enjoy doing things by myself. That’s when I realized that I couldn’t force love and companionship. I couldn’t use men to fill a void that could only be filled by me.
Ladies moving forward let’s really be independent. Let’s say we don’t need a man and actually mean it. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with finding love and being in a healthy relationship. However, we should always WANT and not NEED a man. Once we are content with being alone is when we can have more successful and meaningful relationships