You Know You’re From Utah When…

I got inspired by a friend of mine to write a blog post all about Utah. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the down right hilarious sides of it. If you aren’t from Utah enjoy reading about the wonderful and crazy things that go on there. And if you are from Utah, I hope you find this as fun as I did!

Thank you to all my Utah friends that helped me write this! You’re all amazing.


  • Everything is closed on Sunday.
  • And if you’ve moved away you vow to never live in Utah again.
  • You plan your alcohol runs around holidays and Sundays. And you make damn sure you get there before the liquor store closes.
    state liquor store
  • You know what a molly-Mormon is.
  • You know what “real” mountains look like.
  • You get lost without said mountains as your guide.
  • People assume you’re Mormon.
  • You hear the words sluff, biff, fetch, flip, eff, fetcher, and heck and know exactly what they mean.
  • You know the “Holy War” isn’t about the crusades.
  • Everyone with a camera is a “photographer”
  • You are an avid Jazz fan.
  • You are pissed as hell at Gordon Hayward.
  • The smell of dog food means there’s a west wind. (For all my Ogden friends)
  • You know what fry sauce is. And you automatically ask for mayonnaise with your ketchup in every other state.
  • You know what the “slots” are in Utah.
  • When you are under 20 at least 5 of your closest friends are married.
  • You gladly drink 3.2 beer because you don’t know any better.
  • You have learned all the weird liquor laws.
  • Funeral potatoes are your favorite!
  • Modest is hottest!
  • You’ve gone on a date to see the lights at Temple Square.
  • Coffee isn’t the highest sold drink at Starbucks.
  • Day dates before dances are as big or bigger than the actual dance.
  • You love the DI! Either because you get some awesome stuff there or you can easily unload a ton of shit there. And you actually know what the DI is.
    download (9)
  • Driving in the snow is no big deal.
  • You have driven to WY to get illegal fireworks and Four Loko.
  • You can experience all 4 seasons in just a few days and in the middle of summer.
  • You celebrate holidays like Halloween and the 4th of July on Saturday if they land on Sunday.
  • You either have an interesting way of swearing or you know what they mean when they say those interesting words.
  • You aren’t sure if there are more Mormon churches or Mavericks.
  • Separation of church and state… What is that?
  • You are either in the Mormon club or you are an outcast.
  • When you go out of town and they learn you are from Utah the first question you get is either if you are Mormon and/or how many moms you have.
  • You know your state has an extremely high opioid epidemic in the country. Along with the highest national rate of teen suicide and a high national rate for anti depressants.
  • You’ve been cliff jumping.
  • You know the Great Salt Lake is really just a stinky gross vast expanse of land filled with a shit ton of salt and very little water.
  • You know all about green jello.
  • You NEVER got a snow day. I mean literally never in your life have you had a snow day!
  • You are used to the endless road construction.
    download (3)
  • You know how to correctly pronounce Weber and Webber.
  • You know so many different versions of swear words it’s a bit embarrassing.
  • You know what a “Utah Scone” is and you absolutely love them and miss them when you move.
  • You wear a t-shirt under a spaghetti strap/dress
  • You measure travel in TIME, not DISTANCE…
  • You try and be extra creative when naming your children. Add in a few useless letters, it’s fine!
    download (4)
  • You do not pronounce your T’s when you say words like mountain, hunting, Layton, etc. but you vehemently deny having a “Utah accent.” Think “mou’ns”  and “Lay’un.”
  • Tooele is pronounced “Too-will-a”, Hooper is pronounced “Hupper”, Hurricane is pronounced “Hur-i-can” (with a short “i”). Egg is pronounced “aigg”, Mirror is pronounced “Mir.” Drawer is pronounced “Drar.” Milk is pronounced “Melk.”
  • You have your wedding dress or prom dress altered to add sleeves.
    sleeve 3.jpg
  • If you have tattoos or any form of body modification you know you will be judged and get dirty looks.
  • When you move to a new area and neighbors find out you don’t go to church, better believe the missionaries will show up.
  • You know that when you get to the airport or fly home there will most definitely be a large group of people with balloons and signs welcoming home a missionary, without fail.
  • You have so many friends who are part of pyramid schemes like It Works, Avon, Doterra, Perfectly Posh, Scentsy, etc. and you secretly hate them all.
  • “Your poop hole is considered a loop hole” rule to stay a virgin.
  • The 24th of July is a bigger event than the 4th of July.
    download (5)
  • You know what a Mormon assault vehicle is.
  • Are my friends and I the only ones that think some of the original settlers’ descendants all look alike (in breeders).
  • You know what “Jesus Jammies” are.
  • You have had the Utah poof or you dated a Utah poof girl.
    utah hair




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