I came across an interesting article that was talking about the 7 things she’s weird about now that she has children. I can relate to some of them, some of them I don’t care about, and some of them I am also weird about but for very different reasons. Now she’s not talking about watching a TV show that has a child being hurt and crying over it, I think that’s completely normal and no one thinks you’re a weirdo for crying. Literally, every mom has done it. And if you say you haven’t, well you’re a fucking liar. Sorry, but you are. She’s talking about things you would never think would worry you or make you think twice but now that you have a small human life completely depending on you to keep it alive shit has changed. Life just got really fucking complicated and hard all of a sudden. Welcome to parenthood!
Welcome to parenthood!
Number 1 on her list is baked goods. She explains that she used to love any kind of baked goods and would never turn them down given the opportunity. However, now that she has had children and has had the pleasure of having “helping hands” in the kitchen she will not eat any baked goods at bake sales, church, etc. Kids are gross. Plain and simple. They don’t have any concept of germs or proper cooking etiquette. Their spit, dirty fingers, and boogers get all up in whatever it is you’re cooking. I understand why she would be weird about it, but I’m going to be completely honest, I don’t care. I ate that shit before and I’m not dead. I’ll eat it now. I will add to this confession though, my kids boogers, spit, and dirty fingers/toes don’t gross me out and the same goes for our friends’ kids. My husband, on the other hand, is not a fan at all!
Number 2 on her list is being home alone at night. She’s very protective now that she’s a mother. Every little noise and creak brings out her inner mama bear, and honestly who can blame her. I get scared very easily when I’m home alone but this is nothing new. It was happening long before I had children. I am a big fan of murder shows like Snapped, Dateline, I Almost Got Away With It, Criminal Minds, etc. I also love watching anything about serial killers; documentaries, movies, true crime tv, you name it I will enjoy it. I have had psychologists tell me I need to stop watching shows like this because it is making my anxiety worse than it already is, and they are probably right. But I like these types of shows, they make me happy …. at the time. However, a few weeks later when I’m home alone or home with the kids (yes, even in the middle of the day) and I hear a weird noise I punch in the numbers for 911 and have my finger ready to hit the dial button. But I will say now that I have had children, especially if they are home with me, the panic is much worse. My mind goes to the absolute worst thing and I have a little panic attack before I can talk myself into sanity.
Number 3 on her list is flying. I completely relate to this one. She describes my usual flight with my children. The kids are happy on their various electronics or with their toys while I am thinking of every possible outcome if something were to go wrong. Every little bit of turbulence (and there’s a lot of that flying out of Utah) makes my mind go to the worst place possible. The worst part for me is take off and landing. I’m not sure why but I think it’s probably because that is the loudest and most jerky part of the flight. We are usually flying out of Oakland so we are flying out over the water and I imagine the plane nose diving into the Bay. EVERY FUCKING TIME. I think about what I would do if something were to happen, how would I save both the boys, how would I save myself, etc. It’s exhausting. The author of this post also made a comment about missing in-flight cocktails and I’m here to say fuck that. Get the cocktail. Hell, get two or three. You’re flying with children, you deserve/need it. A fun tip I’ve learned is that Southwest flight attendants are amazing! They will help entertain your kids and give you free cocktails when they can see you’re struggling. I am so thankful for those men and women!
Number 4 on her list is convenience stores and banks. After reading this one I thought to myself that she may need to go talk to someone. She sounds like a nervous wreck! She gets worried about going into a bank and what would happen if it got robbed. She wouldn’t be able to keep your infant quite… Umm… No, that’s not what I’m thinking about when I have to go anywhere in public with my kids. What I’m thinking is “GOD! This double stroller is a joke. Is it even going to fit through the door? Can I get some help here?” “Please stop asking for things. I just want to get bread and get out of here!” “Please stop touching things!” Ugh, the list goes on and on! I don’t every worry about someone hurting myself or my children while at a store or bank, which is shocking for me. I simply don’t want the struggle and stress of taking a 4-year-old and an 18-month-old in and out of their car seats to go anywhere.
Number 5 on her list is waterskiing and contact sports. After reading this I am positive this woman is a basket case. She prefers to avoid sports that could permanently injure her because then there would be no one to take care of her children. I have no second thoughts about that. My issue is that I can’t go underwater without plugging my nose. (Yeah, I know. It’s very childish and ridiculous. But it freaks me out and gives me anxiety for some reason) Which means any sort of water sport is out for me. I used to play touch football with the boys before I had Cash. After I had Cash someone had to watch the baby and it was always me, which meant I couldn’t play. But the random times I didn’t have him I would still get in there!
Number 6 on her list is being out on the town for New Year’s Eve. She prefers to be at home while her kids are in their rooms safely asleep instead of risking to have them all run off the road by a drunk driver. I have a few things to say to this… First, why are you bringing your kids to a party?!?! Second, have you ever heard of a babysitter? And third, girl, you need to have some time out with your husband and New Year’s is the best excuse you could ever have. Go out and have fun! Anyone that knows me knows I have no issue leaving my kids with a sitter and going out on the town, with or without my husband. I need that time away from my kids for my own sanity.
Number 7 on her list is subways and elevators. Yup! FUCKING TERRIFYING! However, this is another one where our fears are a little different. She’s scared her child will get in the elevator, the doors will shut, and they will be taken away somewhere without her. My terror comes from that story about a woman who was on an escalator with her son (I think) and as they came to the top of the elevator the floor (still part of the elevator, you all know what I’m talking about) fell out from beneath them. She threw her son to an onlooker and she fell into the gears (mechanics, machine or whatever you call it) of the escalator. Oh my god! I can not even imagine. Every time I get on and off Bart now unless I’m with my husband because he makes fun of me for doing these types of things, I do a little hop and jump over that part.
There are so many other things that I find terrifying that most people probably think are weird, but most of mine were there long before I had children. For example subways, especially Bart going under the Bay scares me. What if something happened and the water just came rushing in and crushed/drowned us all? Going over any kind of bridge brings on some major anxiety. The longer the bridge the more anxiety I have. Being in tall buildings, amusement rides of any kind, being on boats, being in those underwater aquarium things, and the list goes on. I am pretty good at hiding my anxiety though, thank god. Or else everyone around me would think I was a total nut case. Ahahaha
You can read her full post here.
What kinds of things are you weird about now that you have children? Or have you just always been a weirdo like me?