Sharing is Caring

Anyone on facebook that has a handful of mom friends has most likely seen the post about children not being required to share their toys. The gist of the post is that this mother does not require her child to share, her child can tell other children “No.”

I have always been against this and make Cash share whenever we are with other people and we make him share with his brother. Tyson’s motto is “We share with everyone.” But I’m starting to think maybe we are the ones getting it wrong.

The reason I feel this way is because of an incident that happened at the pool earlier this afternoon. Cash had brought toys for him and Tate to play with and did a great job sharing with all the kids at the pool. 3 new kids showed up and it all went downhill. The older boy was maybe 6 or 7 and the two girls were roughly Cash’s age, maybe a little younger.

The older boy took all of Cash’s toys and wouldn’t let Cash play with them. Keep in mind Cash brought toys to the pool today to split between him and Tate. Cash kept asking if the older boy would share his own toys but the older boy kept responding with “But you play with these all the time” or “Why are you following me?” Cash kept coming up to me crying because the boy wouldn’t share and was being ‘naughty.’

I asked the boy twice to share with Cash and let him know that some of those toys were brand new and some of them were for his little brother. He never listened. So I got in the pool and took them away from this older boy.

Now you may think I was being a bitch but Cash literally had nothing to play with because Tate had 2 toys and this older boy had the rest. Mind you, his parents and grandma were sitting right there while all of this was happening but they were too busy chit chatting in Spanish to pay attention to what was going on.

This specific situation has made me want to rethink making Cash share his toys. I think there should be a happy medium. He should share with his brother and friends when he brings things to their house, but if we are going to the pool or the park and he packs toys for him and his brother he shouldn’t have to share if he doesn’t want to.

I like the analogy the post makes about eating sandwiches. She says “If I, an adult walked into a park eating a sandwich, am I required to share my sandwich with strangers in the park? No! Would any well-mannered adult, a stranger, reach out to help themselves to my sandwich, and get huffy if I pulled it away? No again.”

I will say I am not a huge fan of some of her comments in this post though. She does say “The next time your snowflake runs to you, upset that another child isn’t sharing, please remember that we don’t live in a world where it’s conducive to give up everything you have to anyone just because they said so……”

I hope she is coming from a good place when she says this but I am technically one of those “snowflakes” and I don’t expect shit from anyone. I know I have to work for what I want. My husband works for what he wants. My kids will eventually have to work for what they want.

I better stop before I go off on some random tangent about “snowflakes” and politics.

Anyway, moral of the story is, I wish there was a happy medium for sharing and not sharing when it came to our children. Today was clearly a point when Cash shouldn’t have to share with this boy.

Here is the original post if you want to read it in its entirety.

First 100 Days

First 100 Days

How has Trump hurt women you may ask? Well, I am here to inform you, and I’m not talking about grabbing women by the pussy or any of those sex scandals he was a part of. In the first 100 days of his presidency, he has not done much good for women, even if Ivanka Trump claims her father is “a tremendous champion of supporting families who believes in the potential of women.”

*Side note: the crowd she said that to booed her*

One of Trump’s first acts as president was to reinstate and broaden the global gag rule; its actual name is the Mexico City Policy. If you are unfamiliar with this policy the condensed version is that foreign NGOs must not “perform or actively promote abortion as a method of family planning” with non-U.S. funds as a condition for receiving U.S. global family planning assistance. Trump added in that if they do not comply they will not receive any other U.S. global healthcare assistance, including U.S. global HIV and maternal and child health assistance.

The global gag rule was first put into place by President Ronald Reagan and has been rescinded and reinstated several times since.

This does not directly affect women in the United States but as a feminist I believe we should be protecting all women. For these countries to lose the assistance simply because they educate their patients is absurd. There was a study done that found when the gag rule is in effect it declines the availability of contraceptive services, which means both fertility and abortion rates were higher during the gag rule years than during non-gag rule years.

He has repeatedly come after Planned Parenthood. The first plan to replace the Affordable Care Act would have blocked access to Planned Parenthood for millions of women who rely on Medicaid. It obviously did not go through, thank god! He also signed a resolution giving states permission to deny funding for Planned Parenthood and other organizations that provide abortion services. Per Planned Parenthood they “see roughly 2.5 million patients annually and in 2014-2015 alone performed more than 635,000 pap tests and breast exams and diagnosed more than 171,000 sexually transmitted infections.”

He has proposed cutting programs that help victims of domestic violence. One expert said “If Trump’s cuts are applied across the board, roughly 260,000 fewer victims of domestic violence will be able to access the help they need through shelters and supportive services.” The National Domestic Violence Hotline said that if the budget is cut by 10% more than 180,000 calls would go unanswered annual. That is insane! This is something that not only protect women but it protects children and men who suffer from domestic violence.

He went out of his way to defend an accused sexual harasser. I don’t think anyone was surprised when Trump defended Bill O’Reilly (before he was fired from Fox News). In Trump’s interview, he says; “I think he’s a person I know well – he is a good person. I think he shouldn’t have settled; personally, I think he shouldn’t have settled, because you should have taken it all the way. I don’t think Bill did anything wrong.” The kicker is that he defended O’Reilly in early April, which just happens to be Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

Saying I’m unimpressed is an understatement.

Here’s to hoping the next 100 days goes better.

 

My Tribe

My Tribe

Everyone says it takes a village to raise a child and I’m sure that’s true, but we don’t have that village. We don’t have any close family here in the Bay Area and have only recently started making friends with kids.

However, I will say the friends we have made so far have been such a blessing for my mental state. They don’t even have to help with the kids, just the fact that I can have adult conversations with them is a huge help!

This past weekend Lauren and Chris came out to the gym for drinks and bocce and then came back to the house for more drinks and games. These two have always been so great with our kids; Cash instantly climbed up on the couch and snuggled up with Lauren. ❤ Tyson asked for snuggles and he wanted to snuggle Chris instead because “he hasn’t had any snuggles yet.” Lauren read Cash’s bedtime story (The Book With No Pictures), which was so cute! They were both cracking up! It’s such a great feeling to know other people care about your kids and watching your kids enjoy themselves and care about others outside of your family.

I can’t leave Jess out. She was my first friend I made here in CA by myself and I absolutely adore her. She has been there for me through some pretty hard times and never judged. She’s always honest with me, even when it’s hard to hear. She is so good to my boys and I honestly can’t thank her enough. As I’m writing about her I keep thinking of different times when she has been there for myself or my boys. She drove us to Urgent Care and then the ER when Cash hurt his finger and stayed with us until Tyson got there. She is always there when I need someone to lean on. She has been more than happy to listen to me bitch about the kids. She really is just a great friend. My school schedule has made it hard to get together the past few months and I miss her terribly! Jess, I can’t wait until the boys are feeling better and we can get together!

Tyson and I have started making some great friends at our gym who also have kids really close in age to our boys, which is great! We make plans and involve the kids without worry of them being annoyed. We also make plans without the kids but know it needs to be planned in advance or one of the spouses has to be home with the kids. It’s a nice change to have so many friends with kids! We were just talking the other day about starting a bowling league, going to Napa, a Derby party, and going to Vegas! I hope that all of these things actually come about because I would love to spend more time with these couples, their kiddos, and build our own “family” here in CA.

Another thing that has been great about our new friends is that they are all wonderful parents. I never have to worry about bringing my kids around them and worrying about what they are going to say to our kids or their kids being a bad influence. I hope they feel the same way about us because we do try to be good parents and raise good boys. I know Cash can be a bit sassy sometimes but we’re working on it. 🙂

We also have some pretty awesome friends without kids (besides Lauren and Chris). Emily, James, Will, and CeCe are always a blast to be around and don’t mind that the kids have to tag along sometimes. Emily and James even got Tate to take his first steps at our last Tahoe trip. 

The moral of this post is that we are building up our tribe and I feel incredibly lucky to have them in my life and in our boys’ lives. ❤️❤️

Disappearing Act

Disappearing Act

Hello everyone,

I don’t know when I will be posting again. I have some silly and generic posts already written but I’m not sure when I will be writing anything worthwhile. School right now is kicking my ass.

I am swimming in homework.

Tyson told me last night most people take 5 classes a semester and I’m just not sure how they do it. I have 4 classes with a 6 week class on top of that and I’m swamped. I just have to keep reminding myself, all of this will be worth it in the end.

I feel guilty if I’m not doing homework and working on this instead or if I’m reading something other than school books. So I may be MIA for a while. Thankfully this semester will be over in 5 weeks. Then it’s three weeks of freedom and then back to it for the summer semester. It’s going to be a busy summer but I am looking forward to getting that much closer to applying for UC Berkley. ❤

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university life

What Feminism Means To Me

What Feminism Means To Me

I know it’s late. I’m sorry, I had homework then got distracted at the gym by a friend’s birthday and drinks. (Of course. :)).

For Feminist Friday I thought I would write about what I believe is feminism. What feminism means to me and how I try to live my life and raise my boys. I will be completely honest; I am new to the feminist movement. I have always had strong opinions about women being equal to men, abortion, and many other women’s issues, but the more I learn, the more I love it. The more I learn about the movement, past, and present, the more I want to model my life in a certain manor. There are plenty of misconceptions about feminism that cause people to think it’s something bad, obnoxious, or radical. I want to try and help change these views and ideas.

To get technical; per Merriam-Webster feminism is the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. And organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests.

Feminism is not about hating men. Everyone has heard that feminists hate men; everyone has heard of the feminazi. True, there are some women who say they are feminists and hate men, but I truly don’t believe they are feminist. I believe the whole idea behind feminism is making everyone equal; all genders, all races, all ages, all sexual preferences, etc. For me, feminism is the exact opposite of hating.

Feminism is about supporting men, as well. Gender equality means equality for men too. Feminism is good for men. It allows men to open up about their feelings and has options (like being a nurse or a stay at home dad) without backlash from society. It allows men to be physically strong or physically weak, aggressive or passive, be players or prudes, supports their family financially or has their partner support their family, enjoy violence or detest it, enjoy sports or dislike them, and the list goes on. It allows men to be who they truly are as well as support the women in their lives.

Feminism is not about the past. When I say this, I mean it’s not all about protesting the Miss USA pageant and burning bras, heels, porno videos, etc. Feminism has come a long way since the first wave of the feminist movement, the suffrage movement, and the 19th amendment. It has also come a long way since the second wave of feminism, Betty Friedan, and consciousness raising. Women in the 21st century have new battles to face and new people to include. It also has new heroes/heroines and new “villains.”

Feminism is all inclusive and intersectional. Feminism now needs to include women of all ages, races, religions, sexual orientations, socioeconomic backgrounds, and ethnicities. We, as feminists, cannot exclude someone of a different race or sexual preference and think we are doing good for the world and for women. By including all these different women and men, we can only become more educated, sympathetic, caring, and empowered. Nothing good can come out of excluding a certain group of people.

Feminism is not about belittling women for their choices. This one covers so many different aspects of life. For me personally, it isn’t about putting down stay at home mothers or working mothers. Everyone has their own reasons for working or not working. Everyone’s family needs different things. And more than that, every woman needs different things. Feminism is about accepting and lifting up every woman, regardless of their choices or needs. Whether that be to shave or not to shave, to be sexually attracted to men or women, to wear make-up or not. Every single woman has different lifestyles, wants, needs, desires, etc. and as a feminist, I feel that we need to openly accept them all!

Feminism is not about slut shaming. Women are sexual beings as well. Why is it okay for men to be sexual beings but not women? Because they are supposed to be pure and virginal? That’s such a load of shit. Women should be able to do what they please, dress how they please, and act as they please (as long as they aren’t putting anyone else in danger obviously). It’s so frustrating that men are praised for their sexual escapades but women are looked down on for the same thing.

Feminism isn’t about makeup or not shaving. People have these ideas that feminism is about not shaving, not wearing make-up, or being lesbian and that simply isn’t the case. I love wearing make-up and false eyelashes. I love wearing dresses and heels as well as rockin’ my leggings and muscle tees. I also love my husband, but I love and accept any woman who is the complete opposite of me, detests make-up, doesn’t shave, and is lesbian, or anywhere in between.

At the end of the day feminism, to me, must be all inclusive or it isn’t truly feminism. It’s hate with the excuse of feminism.

 

Feminism is for everyone!

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What do you blog about?

What do you blog about?

this little mom

Today I went into Best Buy to purchase this adorable little Lenovolaptop that I am currently writing this blog post on. As I am making my way from the entrance all the way to the back of the store with a twenty-month old leading the way and spilling her juice as she did it, I knew it was going to be a tad longer than I had hoped for.

I made my way back and was immediately approached by an employee who was so beyond helpful, so if you are reading this Tim from Best Buy, thank you! The laptop that I wanted was out of stock even though it said online it was ready for pick up (just my luck) but I browsed the best I could with V playing the pick me up put me down game. I only need this laptop for my blog as my old…

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Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month

Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month

The month of April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month (SAAM).

Sexual assault

This year, more than ever, we need to raise awareness for sexual assault victims and survivors. We have a president who does not hold women in high regard, but this isn’t just about women. It’s about sexual assault on any man, woman, and/or child. He doesn’t seem to have much respect for anyone unless you are on “his side” and even then it’s skeptical.

I do find it funny that the POTUS declared April the month of sexual assault awareness and prevention when it’s the National Coalition Against Sexual Assault (NCASA) picked a week in April in the 1980s. It was nationally recognized as SAAM in 2001. Since 2001 the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) has promoted national unity for SAAM activities, encouraged interaction and feedback from the nation, and built momentum to prevent sexual violence.

The campaign this year is “Engaging New Voices.” Which means involving coaches, faith leaders, parents, Greek Life, and bystanders with helping prevent sexual assault. The NSVRC hopes to help these voices begin to talk about preventing sexual assault and educate them on how to help.

If you want to learn more about Sexual Assault Awareness Month, campaign planning, get merch, or really anything else check this web page.

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