Ugh. Parenting advice is the worst! But when these heathens lie to you, it’s even worse! As my first pregnancy progressed I kept wondering ‘Why would you lie to me? Bastards!’ It’s time to be honest about how frustrating, scary, annoying, and downright terrible pregnancy and parenting really is! (At least for me. 😀 )
- “It gets easier.” – No, no it doesn’t. It just turns into different stressors. You get more and more fat. You have the baby and your brain goes wacko. Your baby grows into a terrible monster they call toddlers. Your toddler grows into a sassy 5-year-old. I think you get the gist.
- “You look beautiful. You’re glowing.” – Lies. Every single one of them! 99% of the time you just look and feel like a fat whale. Don’t lie to me!
- “Breastfeeding is so special. It’s beautiful.” – Okay, sure. This one is true sometimes, it is special and a great way to bond. The other 80% of the time it’s time consuming, painful, and obnoxious. Your time and body no longer belong to you.
- “You don’t even look like you’re pregnant.” – Who in the hell are you looking at? That skinny, nonpregnant girl next to me? Liar!
- “Oh, the terrible twos, they are the worst! You’re almost done, and then things will get better.” – Why would you lie to me? Why didn’t you tell me three is hell? Three sucks! You lying bastards!
P.S. sorry for all the cursing. I wrote this post a few weeks before lent started. 🙂