Thursday, March 30, 2017

Thursday, March 30, 2017

I’ve finished my classes for the day which means spring break starts now! I am so excited to have a week off. I still have some work to do, but it will be significantly less than normal. Most of my homework involves watching movies for my film class, putting the final touches on my presentation, and editing my research paper. Going back from spring break will be a bit stressful, though. That Monday I have a test and a presentation. Then on Tuesday, I have another test. And of course two more tests due by Friday. YAY for college!

However, something more exciting than spring break is the fact that today is the last day of my being a part of the itty bitty tittie committee. My surgery is tomorrow morning and I am super excited. I’ve started to get pretty nervous if I’m being completely honest; I’ve only ever had surgery one other time which was to get my wisdom teeth removed. I’m also nervous about my recovery and not being able to really pick up Tate. It should be interesting and tricky to get used to.

Speaking of kids, has anyone else ever put your kids down for a nap or to bed, sat down to relax for just a few minutes, look at your clock only to realize it’s been at least 30 minutes and you’re still watching Disney Jr.? Yup, that just happened. IMG_0212

 

Happy Thursday everyone! 🙂

Toddlers and Bad Dreams

Toddlers and Bad Dreams

Last night was a rough one in the Marsh household. Cash woke up around 2 AM and had locked himself in his room so he couldn’t open his bedroom door. He had turned off the sound machine and turned on the lights. So of course, Tate woke up. Tyson tried to go into their room, calm Tate down, and get him back to sleep while I took Cash in our room and talked to him. He kept saying he wanted to sleep in our room, and this has been happening a lot recently. (Honestly, I would be fine with him sleeping in our bed every once in a while but the hubby is not.) He didn’t say he had nightmares until I asked if he had a bad dream that woke him up. Then he said yes, he had a bad dream but couldn’t tell me what it was about.

Tate didn’t go back to sleep, which upset Tyson. He grabbed Cash and put him back in his bed where he cried himself to sleep. I took Tate and tried to get him to sleep with me. He would fall asleep and then jolt awake because he heard something or slipped off my chest. Tyson tried getting him to settle down out on the couch and got Tate to sleep for maybe an hour or so.

Cash slept for maybe two hours before everyone had to get up to take Tyson to the train. Needless to say, our kids were quite cranky toady and we were all exhausted.

IMG_0189IMG_0190

(This video happened because Tate is wanting to be independent and walk down cement steps by himself, which he can’t do. I wouldn’t let him kill himself so he lost it and threw a huge fit. Cash started crying because his brother was so sad. My freaking kids man!)

The purpose of this post is to see if anyone else has gone through this. Does anyone have any tips? He didn’t say he was scared of monsters or something else in his dreams. I mention this because I had a friend make “monster spray” and it helped her son. I briefly searched Pinterest in the wee hours of the morning and quickly gave up.

monster spray

He already has “magic blankie” which is one of Tyson’s old Georgia blankets. Magic blankie has worked for over a year and we take it whenever we go on vacation. He still wants/needs it to sleep along with his mickey mouse doll. He’s really into superheroes and Darth Vader (he doesn’t quite understand that he’s a bad guy). So I’m trying to find some good ideas that might incorporate superheroes or star wars.

Tonight when we told him it was bedtime he started crying saying he was going to have bad dreams in his room. I asked him what was in his bad dreams and he told me it was dinosaurs, which is odd because he talks about dinosaurs all the time. He’s learning the names of them and seems to really like them. We are pretty strict about what he watches on TV so it’s not like he’s watching Jurrasic Park or anything. He is mostly watching shows like Mickey Mouse (really anything on Disney Jr.), Pokemon, or Transformers.

Anyway, I told Cash that daddy would go do a dinosaur check and look around his room and under his bed before he went in to go to sleep. Fingers crossed this helps and we get a full night of sleep tonight.

I need a stiff vodka tonic and any tips or tricks you have up your sleeves!

Before Having Kids

What was your life like before having kids?

Was it something you are proud of? Did you travel? Did you go to school? Did you invest time in your career? Did you take time for yourself? Did you learn about yourself? What did you do with all that extra time?

The reason I am writing this is because I have learned a few things over the past 3 1/2 years that I never would have learned without having kids. While you need to be selfless for your children you also need to take time for yourself and do things for yourself to stay sane as a parent. I had Cash at 23 and did not go to school before that. All of which means I did not invest in my career, travel, or learn very much about myself.

Before I was a parent I was a very selfish person and unfortunately that carried into parenthood. It didn’t change just because I got pregnant and had a gorgeous little baby. I was still very selfish and had a hard time adjusting to parent life. Once I realized that my son needed me to be at my very best and become selfless, things got a bit easier. It has been a work in progress but I feel like I continue to get better at it all the time. However, it’s only been over the past year that I’ve learned I need to take some me time to do things I want and need to do.

I’ve learned how to enjoy alone time. Before I would have hated walking around town by myself (without talking on the phone), sitting outside and relaxing alone, etc. My husband has been a great example of living a life outside of your kids and partner. Now I love the moments when I can simply sit in the sunshine and relax without any of my boys. I look forward to sitting down and doing homework even because I know it means I am getting some alone time.

Tyson always puts our family first but also needs his alone time and time with friends; without us. I had a hard time understanding this at first, but it was most likely because I didn’t have any friends in the city and I hated being alone. I feel so fortunate that he gives me the time I need to go do things with friends and spend some alone time to do whatever I want or need to do.

I adore our children and would never change my life as a mother, but I sure do love my “me” time and our date nights. I do, however, look forward to the times when they are older and Tyson and I can enjoy more alone time and travel more, but until then I will enjoy my random nights away and alone time.

Shout out to all the mamas and daddy’s being selfless and still taking care of yourself; it’s hard work!

Stop Caring!

Stop Caring!

***Warning***Foul Language Ahead***Warning***

Ahahaha This is mostly for my own amusement, and for my parents so they don’t have to read my sassy mouth if they don’t want to. 😉

As I was scrolling through FB today I saw this great article that I had to share with everyone. The article is all about not caring anymore. It’s about giving up some stress in your life to try and make the world, and your life, much better and happier. It’s great because I struggle with a lot of these issues and need reminders to stop caring so much.

  1. Giving a fuck about what others think
    This has been such a hard thing for me. I’ve come a long way since moving to California and having the support of my husband. Now all I really care about is his opinion but there are times when those insecurities creep up and bug me. It’s a work in progress.
  2. Giving a fuck about being right all the time
    This one is hard for me. Hard enough that I have passed this trait on to my oldest son. I have been doing a pretty damn good job of giving in more and accepting fault, but it’s taken a long time and a lot of arguments. 😦
  3. Giving a fuck about having a perfect body
    This has not gone away. Not even close. I mean obviously.
  4. Giving a fuck about the 3-inch heels
    I’m on the fence about this one. I love wearing my heels when I get the chance, even if they aren’t the most comfortable shoes in the world. But I like the feelings they give me. When I wear heels I feel more confident and I like being eye level with my husband, or at least closer to eye level. 🙂
  5. Giving a fuck about past mistakes
    YES!!!! Quit living in the past! Move on! The future is so much brighter!
  6. Giving a fuck about gossip
    Not having a lot of friends has helped with the gossip issue. I may not have a lot of friends but the ones I have truly care about me.
  7. Giving a fuck about others’ approval or validation
    This goes along with caring what others think. Believe in yourself damn it!!
  8. Giving a fuck about letting go the toxic
    This one is huge. Why should you keep toxic people in your life? Leave them in the past and forget about them! If they are no good for you, fuck ’em.
  9. Giving a fuck about failure
    I have not mastered this one at all. I care, a lot about failing. I worry about getting good grades in school. I worry about being a good mother. I worry about being a good wife. I worry about being a good friend. I worry about failing the people I love. I need to work on this one.
  10. Giving a fuck about having plans on a Friday night
    This one disappears when you have children, or at least it did for me. It’s exciting when you get to have Friday nights out but having a night in with great food and a bottle of wine is just as exciting. 🙂
  11. Giving a fuck about getting tons of likes on Facebook or Instagram
    Yeah, I hate this one. I briefly talked about this in a post about millennials.  Our culture thrives on social media attention and it’s sad. Since watching that talk (in the previous post) I have been making a conscious effort to be on my phone less and care less about the responses I get. Before I would check how many likes I had gotten and who had liked it. I honestly don’t remember the last time I did this. I have moved on from giving a shit about who likes my pictures or posts.
  12. Giving a fuck about what you don’t have
    I think every single person deals with this at some point in their life.
  13. Giving a fuck about revenge
    I don’t believe in karma, which makes revenge a hard thing for me to let go of.  I don’t believe in fate or what comes around goes around. I have gotten better as letting go of things as I have gotten better with moving on from the past, though.
  14. Giving a fuck about “What Ifs”
    You will go insane thinking about all the “what ifs” that may or may not happen. Try and live in the moment. this one, just like a bunch of the others, it is easier said than done.
  15. Giving a fuck about material possessions
    Try and be happy with what you have. Enjoy your family and friends. Think about money and your possessions less.
  16. Giving a fuck about regrets
    It’s only human to have regrets, but no one is perfect. No one has the perfect past and has always made the right decision.
  17. Giving a fuck about being good enough
    What does this even mean? Who is good enough? What does it mean to be good enough? Who decides what is good enough? FUCK IT AND FUCK THEM!

 

You should definitely go read the full article: 17 Fucks You Should Stop Giving – For all Women

Follow Up To Monday’s Post

As a follow up to my feminist rant on Monday I wanted to post some of the great replies to the original post got. There are so many strong, independent, kind, and intelligent people in the world it makes my heart smile! ❤

From Boozilla:

“Somehow I think you are missing the point, although much of what you write is quite true. I appreciate your writing very much even though I often disagree with the “politics”. However. The truth is that despite it being a fabulous thing, having children is something that has been used to keep women under control for a long time. In terms of having a viable world? and healthy children? having no ability to restrict pregnancy does not produce a positive result, either. Poor child health and nutrition is a HUGE problem, and nobody really seems to be talking about that. I guess abortion is more “exciting”. Having reproductive control over herself, and not having some male or insurance company decide what can be done, is crucial to a woman being able to, in many cases, support herself and the family she chooses to have. If you disagree with abortion, that’s fine and you should not have one. But I do not believe it gives you the right to prevent others following their own dictates. There can be concern with late term abortions, for sure. But early term abortions are not terminations of viable human beings, which makes blanket rejection a somewhat specious argument. I generally wonder what people’s positions on the death penalty are, too, when abortion is a question. Also. Women ARE under attack. The pay inequity is stark. The opportunities are, in truth, limited. Health care, child care, basic things like that? are not available to many- it’s all a matter of money and who has it. You may not yet have had your fill of salacious remarks, inappropriate touching, (and not related to provocative dress, to be clear) dismissal of ideas and contributions and downright rip off of same in combination with being trundled off to second class work world unless total obedience to the paradigm is manifested- but all that exists and is getting stronger, and serves no one. Feminism, like every other -ism, and language in general now, gets distorted unimaginably. But women ARE a dispossessed group in many ways and feminism seeks- or should, anyway- to educate everyone in order to rectify a dysfunctional situation. Oppression of women allows men to not be who and what they are, as well. Enabling people to stoop to every occasion is not a recipe for success. I also agree that stridency, name calling, isolationism and intolerance are not acceptable in ANY venue. Patriarchy has been, to say the least, debased over the centuries and it doesn’t serve the highest interests of men OR women. This is what needs to change, and what I believe the essence of feminist action truly is. Responding to your point of view as well, I think the essence of what Christ tells us is: love is the way. Let’s hope we can work on all this together!”

From AllehRising:

“Just because you aren’t feeling or witnesses the effects of why we need feminism doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.
On paper, we all have EQUAL rights. Sadly, reality tells a much different story.
How people are treated for just being a minority or a woman is atrocious. The United States is ruled by old, white men who are out of touch with reality.
I was sexually harassed at a place of work years ago by the boss/owner of company. You know what the general consensus was by my recruiting company/counselor/co-workers? I was wearing something that “showed the shape” of my breasts.
Yes, blouses that completely cover my chest and were plain somehow made this boss of mine bold enough to make comments and stare at my chest for long periods of time (I was the admin assistant/front desk person). I caught him many times and asked him what he was doing. No answer, kept staring. I quit. I fought a mental battle with myself and hated myself.
But that isn’t a unique story: this happens to so many women (and men, too).
Now please, not all men are like this and not all women are constantly angry or threaten/feel threatened by men. What people see when they see feminists on TV is anger and marches; rarely do you see the why’s (or choose not to).
Words like “triggered” get thrown around every time a woman has an opinion that isn’t the general consensus.
It’s fine to have religious beliefs and/or be pro-life; after all, your body is your body! But…in no way, shape or form does anyone have the right to tell another person what to do with their body. More to the point, some of these politicians have zero knowledge of the female anatomy. Some of them actually believe we can hold in our blood and make it come out at will. I don’t want that moron to be in charge of what he clearly knows nothing about nor care (or the life a goldfish, for that matter).
But above everything else I’ve seen on this particular post is the men agreeing with the idea feminism is overrated. It’s almost funny, if not a little sad.
Of course they agree; they have all this privilege and never had to think what others are thinking or feeling or, GASP, what other people might be going through.
They give men with intelligence and common sense a horrendous name. No, it’s more scary than anything else, come to think of it.
I don’t care what religion or lack of anyone has: don’t hide behind any deity(ies) to justify ignorance or bring others down. Don’t hide behind religion and dictate why certain people need to be treated differently.
But, when I also see stuff like this, I have a small sigh of relief. I genuinely don’t want anyone to go through what I’ve gone through. The story is just the tip of the iceberg. I used to have the same opinions, like “we don’t need feminism” and think it was all in someone’s misguided head.
So, I hope you keep your misconceptions about feminism. I hope you never have to see and experience what myself and so many others go through. I applaud you for having your opinion, even if we disagree.”

From nursinggrudgesandliquor:

“Never dismiss as fiction the struggles others face simply because you have not faced them. You lost me at wanting women to take some responsibility for sexual assault in I suppose some percentage related to the amount of our bodies that are not covered. You can say “I’m not saying she was asking for it” but you absolutely said asking for trouble. Having been sexually assaulted in broad daylight at age 16 wearing knee length shorts while walking in a park with a friend, what percentage of the blame would you assign to me based on the amount of clothing I was wearing? I have many thoughts on feminism but if you are still in that place where maybe sometimes we bring our own rapes on ourselves, it feels useless to discuss it more deeply.”

From Vic Crain:

“I enjoy some of your posts, probably most of them, but not this thread. It suggests that you have experienced a relatively sheltered life, and simply have no clue about the rest of the US, much less the world.

A good portion of this country is still in the early 1900s, and some of it craves for the early 1800s from a social perspective — and that means treating women as property, and beating your spouse to where she requires a doctor is a $25 misdemeanor if there is an arrest at all. (Yes, I can cite recent examples for this, and I’m not kidding about the penalty. As one abuser said, the entertainment value was worth the $25.)

Some of the facts are obvious and well known, or should be:
(1) Women are paid roughly 2/3 of what men get for the same jobs.
(2) Women are underrepresented in the C-suite in major companies.
(3) Women cannot become President of the US. They can hold that position in other countries, but enough people will vote against them in the US simply based on gender to prevent them from winning. That was one of a number of factors working against Clinton in the last election, and a factor in analysts saying that any MALE candidate would have won against trump.
(4) The US is behind most other industrialized countries on maternity leave practices. For example, The Netherlands gives women 16 weeks of leave at 100% pay even if the mother is self-employed, plus a home health aide. Where exactly in the US can you find that? (OK, if you are a member of Congress, maybe.)

Domestic violence and incest are far more common in the US than most people are willing to acknowledge. There’s a lot of work to be done. If you haven’t seen it, you need to look more carefully. Even in affluent areas, it’s all around you. Who’s wearing dark glasses when they aren’t needed? Who has a little too much makeup? Long sleeves on a hot day? LOOK.

I’ve no patient for symbolic politics. I don’t care whose face is on the dollar bill. I care about the physical and mental well-being of people. Anything that distracts from that or that might take resources away from that is at least annoying and at worst horrific.

The Declaration of Independence promised “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.” If people don’t have the opportunity for that, it’s a problem. If the problem results from their own bad decisions, well, can’t do much about that. But if the problem is based on skin color, accent, gender, sexual preference (which I don’t see as a choice), that’s something that needs to be fixed.

I also disagree with you on maternity choice. The is no role for the government in someone’s womb. What she does is between herself and her Deity. If Congress can tell you that you cannot abort a fetus, someday Congress could change and will be able to tell you that you can only have one child and have to abort the rest. Do you really want to give the government that power?

(I lose patience with so-called “right to life” people. They show no sign of caring for what happens to the child after it is born, so it’s not the life they care about, just birth. And they don’t want to pay extra taxes to help the babies abandoned at firehouses.)

Instead, one of the key issues of the century is what to do with the workers whose jobs are being killed by automation. Are we going to see women with low education pushed into sex work? Store cashiers, restaurant workers, drivers, some medical positions — those jobs are going away. What will happen to the people doing those jobs? That’s going to be a gender battle when people wake to it.

There are a lot of very real issues that will be addressed in the next decade. Whose face is on the dollar bill isn’t one of them. What you do with your womb shouldn’t be one of them.”

 

From braddahr (in response to Vic Crain and OP):

“I would essentially agree with you and add a couple thoughts:

Pretty sure that true feminism isn’t about dominating a man and emasculating him but I do recall that argument was used to try and keep women from voting and essentially being treated as human beings instead of property.

I think we can be pro-life – for all life and not just fetuses – and still give women choice. Apparently some states are allowing rapists to sue victims to keep them from aborting the baby created from the rape. Somewhere in there we need to allow for hard choices to be made.

I’m not an expert in these matters but I think the advances we see are tempered by sad realities. For example, while more women are in university I believe that the fewer men get more of the jobs and then are often paid more for the same work as a woman is doing (very capably usually).

While more opportunities exist now than ever before I believe feminists see the significant inequalities across society between men and women and the violence against females of all ages as intricacy linked. One begets the other.”

Most influential dead people

I previously posted about the 10 people I thought were the most influential alive today (you can read that here) and decided I needed to make another list of influential people who have passed away. Again, these are in no particular order.

  • Mother Teresa
  • Martin Luther King Jr
  • Coretta Scott King
  • Walt Disney
  • Steve Jobs
  • Malcolm X
  • Sitting Bull
  • Alice Paul
  • Rosa Parks
  • Elizabeth Cady Stanton
  • Elie Wiesel
  • Frederick Douglass
  • Francis Willard
  • Jane Addams
  • Mohandas Gandhi
  • Lucy Burns
  • Fannie Lou Hamer
  • Betty Friedan
  • Muhammad Ali
  • Margaret Sanger
  • Elenore Roosevelt
  • Susan B Anthony

Feminism: Are We Supposed to be Delicate?

I know I usually hold these posts off for Feminist Friday but I have to break the mold today because something has come up. I was scrolling through my emails and saw something that caught my eye.

WordPress (the site I use to blog) sends me emails when someone I follow posts a new blog post. I saw the title to one I thought I would find interesting. And boy did I ever…

The post was Challenging Feminism. 

Let that sink in how I may have reacted… Yeah, I had to read this.

I usually really enjoy reading this particular blog, she’s funny, sweet, and quick witted. The “about me” section of her blog states: “Maybe you’re the parent or loved one of someone suffering with an eating disorder. Perhaps you’re in the throes of anorexia yourself. Maybe you think you may have the beginning stages of disordered eating. Or perhaps you’re on the journey to recovery. Whatever has brought you here, I hope that through the story of my brokenness, and redemption through the Lord, you are able to find hope, encouragement, advice, healing, support, and comfort. This blog chronicles my journey from severe anorexia to recovery, and every twist and turn along the way.” She’s a solid girl with a rough past who made it through.

And if you know me you should know, I love that kind of story.

This post not so much… Here is her post:

 

Lately, it’s been really weird to be a woman.

Not because of any fashion or makeup trends…although, I will say…I don’t quite understand the reemergence of the shoulder pad.

But because of all the recent hyper focus on…feminism.

The Women’s March, International Women’s Day, protests, walk outs, I mean, we get it already

But to be honest, I am confused by the whole matter.

Women are not marginalized in the United States of America. 

What are they fighting for? Why all the anger?

Now listen, I know that this post is probably going to garner a lot of backlash, but you know what, that’s okay. I would love to hear thoughts on all sides of this issue. Truly. Every person is entitled to their own viewpoints, and I respect those feelings, even if they differ from mine. And of course, there is always room for improvement in removing some lingering issues, (representation in senior management, ensuring equal wages), but there is no attack on women.

But again, I don’t know what women are fighting for.

Is it because we have access to health care?

Is it because 57% of enrolled college students are female?

I’ll repeat that….57% of college students are female.

Is it because women can hold any job they desire, up to and including the President of the United States?

Is it because women can wear anything, say anything, go out in public, drive a car, vote, go to school, worship freely, and have/adopt children here without the say or approval of a man?

I just don’t get it.

Perhaps they’re marching for the end to rape. Okay. That’s truly a phenomenal cause, and I salute that.

But I honestly don’t think a march is going to change that. You know what might? A change in our culture. Maybe we need to reconsider the messages that we’re sending to young boys and men in society about how to treat a woman. Perhaps we shouldn’t be referring to women as “bitches and hoes” in our music and television. Perhaps we shouldn’t be objectifying or infantilizing grown women in our advertising. When we reduce a person to mere body parts or tools for pleasure, it’s no wonder that men feel they have the ability to take advantage. Perhaps we should challenge the multi-billion dollar porn industry. Perhaps we should be changing the narrative on that, and reclaim our dignity as women and prize our sexuality and virginity for what it is.

And women, we’re not off the hook either. Listen, I love a little black dress more than anything. Especially if it’s backless. But if we’re going to walk out of the house in lingerie-equivalent club wear, it’s asking for trouble. Of course men should be able to control themselves. “Asking for it” is never, ever, ever an excuse. But if we’re not respecting our own bodies, how can we expect anyone else to?

The biggest thing I have a problem with, is women who are marching for abortion rights.

It’s no secret, I am staunchly pro-life.

But here’s where the feminism argument just doesn’t hold up.

So much of feminism is tied up in the sexual revolution and the emergence of The Pill. The cry of feminism for women to have the sexual freedom that men “have” is the exact antithesis of what true feminism really is!

The very essence of being female is the ability to bear children. Bring life into the world. That is the one and only thing that is uniquely female. That is the aspect of being a woman that is what should be celebrated and cherished and protected. And, in the name of feminism, we’re fighting to squelch that? Fighting to suppress that exclusively female gift? That, in my opinion, is the exact opposite of feminism.

“But we’re fighting for a woman’s right to control her own body.”

Okay, terrific. That’s important.

But here’s the thing. Abortion is different because it involves two bodies: the mother’s and the baby’s. Her decision is not just hers, but her child’s. How is ending another human life controlling her own body? That sounds to me like controlling someone else’s body.

You want to fight for the marginalized? How about you start with the smallest and most vulnerable of them all? – The child in the womb.

Frankly, I have been so disappointed to be a woman here recently. All the photos of women wearing red, and proclaiming that they’re boycotting work to show what it would be like to have a world without women.

Please. Give me a break. You have a job. A paycheck. A degree. Benefits. Clean drinking water. Health care. Equal opportunities.

This whole feminist movement thing, it just smells of domineering, desperate estrogen, if I’m being really honest.

I am uniquely female. God made women as the crown of creation. We bring life into the world. We are relational. We are receptive. Feelers. Communicators. Soft. Delicate. Those things are who we are by nature.

Frankly, it is unnatural to try and dominate a man and emasculate him.

I think one of the most beautiful things we can do as women is to let a man be a man, and challenge him to rise to his highest form of masculinity: providing for his family, protecting, guarding, leading. That is what a man’s heart longs for: adventure. Rescuing. Providing.

Their inherent natures and our inherent natures are a complimentary pair. Perfectly in harmony.

Maybe if we call out men to be those types of upstanding men, and we their equal partners, complimenting each other’s traits, perhaps all the other things will work themselves out. Because a man called to true masculine greatness will respect a woman, her body, her mind, her talents, abilities, passions.

Because at the end of the day, feminism is not a bad thing. But its definition has been bastardized in recent times. Feminism is the revolution of femininity – in all its forms.

We, as women, bring with us, our uniquely feminine traits – our feminie genius – into each and every role we take on, whether that be a teacher, a business exec, a mother, a nurse, the President, a professional athlete. Those uniquely feminine traits make us exceptional at those things and should be celebrated.

A woman is a unique being: capable of all that a man can do, and more. We are the bearers of life. Why are we fighting that which makes us most powerful?

That’s feminism. That’s where we need to begin.

 

 

Alright, aside from all the grammatical errors that are driving me insane I think you can see the things that I am in awe of.

What are we fighting for?!?!?! BLAH!

I can get over the fact that we don’t agree on abortion. That is something I’ve grown used to. My parents, husband, and in-laws are all pro-life and that’s okay. I appreciate and respect their feelings. I also appreciate that they respect my feelings. The rest of it though just blows my mind.

Are we supposed to be delicate? Are we supposed to be soft? Communicators? Receptive? Who the fuck says? Who woke up one day and said, “All women must be delicate!” Are you fucking kidding me?!

Honestly, it took me quite some time to write out a respectful response to this. I will share it with you now that I’ve voiced a bit of my frustrations. 🙂

 

I completely understand why you may be confused about all the attention on feminism lately. I want to shed some light on how I feel about feminism and what it means for our culture today. I am going to try and take this issue by issue as you lay it out in your post, so bear with me.

Women are marginalized in the United States. Whether you want to believe that or not, it’s the truth. One example is the dollar bill. Every single dollar bill that is made in America has the face of a man. What about the great women who helped shape America? What about the notable women who changed history? Why is it that men are so important but women get forgotten?

Another example are veterans. Surveys show that women veterans are less likely than their male counterparts to find employment after service. Female veterans have written on Vantage Point (http://www.blogs.va.gov/VAntage/7887/progress-in-treatment-of-women-veterans/)  about these challenges and those while seeking VA care as a woman.

Another example are the gender pay gaps. All you have to do is google a few things to realize this is a troubling problem in America. I learned, by googling really quickly, that women who are chief executives earn 69% as much as their male counterparts. And on average women earn more than men in only 7 professions out of 534. SEVEN OUT OF 534. That is 0.13% of the professions listed.

Abortion bans. I understand you are pro-life and I am not going to argue this with you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The problem I see with abortion bans and all the hoops women have to jump through is that we as women are still not trusted to make our own decisions about our reproductive choices.

Now, on to the fact that we can wear anything, say anything, go out in public, go to college, etc. You’re right, we can do all of those things. Because of women like Alice Paul, Francis Willard, Carrie A. Nation, Jane Addams, Fannie Lou Hamer, Rosa Parks, Betty Friedan, Margaret Sanger, Anna Howard Shaw, and Carrie Chapman Catt. And if you know anything about women’s history, the Progressive Movement, the Feminist Movement of the ‘60s, and the Civil Rights Movement you will know that these women are the reason we have birth control, have the right to vote, have equal rights, etc. These women didn’t all agree. Some wanted temperance while some drank. Some wanted birth control while some were strictly opposed. And some were racist while others were inclusive. Feminists may not always agree but we are all fighting for equal rights. We are the ones that are standing up for those who can’t or won’t.

I agree with you, that marching will not end rape and we need a change in our culture. But I disagree with the fact that women should wear more conservative clothing. By you saying “if we’re going to walk out of the house in lingerie-equivalent club wear, it’s asking for trouble.” you are telling anyone who reads this that it is their fault they got raped because they wanted to wear a backless dress. You even follow it up that “”Asking for it” is never an excuse” but that’s what you’re saying by telling your readers they are asking for trouble if they are dressed a little skimpy. That’s bull shit. I should be able to walk down the street topless, just like a man, without feeling any sort of discomfort, ridicule, judgement, or terror.

The abortion subject is touchy and I don’t like to argue this issue. My husband is very pro-life and I have had two abortions. I would never take those back. I do not regret them. I would never judge someone who has had one. I would never judge someone who refuses to have one. All I want is the choice. Because if I didn’t have that choice I would have gone to a back alley doctor, like back in the 20’s. I could have died trying to get the abortion I wanted and had a right to.

Feminism is not about sexual revolution and the pill. It is not to have sexual freedom. Feminism is to have equal rights. To be treated equally on all platforms. The ability to have children is uniquely female, but it should also be a choice. We should not be forced to have children or denied birth control because a man chooses that is what is “right.” I obviously do not believe that “child in the womb” is actually a child until a certain point, but again this is not a fight I want to get into. We can disagree and that’s fine. That’s part of being a feminist. Letting everyone have their own thoughts and ideas and not judging or criticizing them for it.

I’m sorry you feel that the whole feminist movement thing “smells of domineering, desperate estrogen” but please, take a minute and research women like Alice Paul, Margaret Sanger, Anna Howard Shaw, Carrie Chapman Catt, Francis Willard, Betty Friedan, and Jane Addams. Once you’ve done that tell me how many rights you would have as a woman without these strong and courageous women. You wouldn’t have your blog. You wouldn’t have a job. You wouldn’t have an education. You wouldn’t have the right to choose when to have children. You wouldn’t have the right to own land. You wouldn’t have the right to vote. You would not have a voice what so ever. You would have been the property of your father or husband. You would have been taught to be seen and not heard. These women made all of this possible by being feminist. By fighting for what they believed what was right and going against the grain.

If you feel it’s unnatural to try and dominate a man you fall into the typical paradigm that our culture has taught. You complain about our culture calling women bitches and hoes, why not complain about our culture teaching our young girls that they are below boys. Why not complain about the saying “boys will be boys” and letting them be aggressive, dirty, rude, loud, mean, etc. because “boys will be boys.”

As a mother I do not feel that being a bearer to life is what makes me powerful. Being educated, talented, funny, strong, independent, outspoken, honest, a good person, a good mother, a good wife, a good friend, and a good daughter are what makes me powerful. Not the fact that I can simply have children.

I hope you never have to experience rape, unwanted pregnancy, assault, name calling, or have any of your rights taken away. These are the things that make you open your eyes to “what all the fuss is about”.