Now that Cash is officially a Marsh I feel like it’s okay to write about our journey. Before we were worried about my ex’s family interfering somehow, but now everything is legal!
I think we should start before I met Tyson for everyone to fully understand our story. I had Cash June 18, 2013. My ex went to to work the next day while I was still in the hospital, my step mom took us home from the hospital. Not a great start. We had split up before Cash turned 1. I was scared of being a single mom. I was terrified, actually. But I was more scared of what would happen if we stayed together. He drank too much and didn’t put Cash and I first. I should have seen the signs with how he treated his first son and his mother. I was young and dumb.
Fast forward to Cash’s first birthday.
I wanted to raise Cash in a loving environment, I didn’t want him to ever feel like he had to pick sides. I invited my ex to his ‘cake smash photos’ and to his birthday party. He came to both and there were no arguments, we were amicable. I thought things were going in the right direction. I thought we were going to make this co-parenting thing work.
A few weeks later I went on my first date with Tyson. I fell for him so fast, I couldn’t imagine ever loving anyone else or not being with Tyson. We initially planned on moving Cash and I to SF in Jan of 2015 and that date just kept getting bumped up. Cash and I moved to San Francisco in October of 2014 to be with Tyson. From the very beginning Tyson treated Cash as his own. There was never a doubt in my mind that he didn’t love Cash.
I am getting ahead of myself though. My ex lost his job sometime in August and was a real mess. I wanted to be there for him because he was my son’s ‘dad’. I needed him to get his shit together for Cash. I went over there and he was a drunken mess. I realized then that nothing was going to change, no matter how hard I tried.
From then on I knew I needed to take care of Cash any way I could, with or without his help.
My ex reminded me of this again the week before I moved to SF. He knew the date we were leaving. It was my weekend the week before but I offered to let him see Cash because he wouldn’t have a lot of time in the week leading up to our move date. He couldn’t because he was going to a beer festival. So he did not see Cash before we moved. He choose alcohol and his friends over my son, again.
I filed a case with the Office of Recovery Services (ORS is how Utah does their child support). I had never been paid until I filed this case, and even after I filed this case it took months until I saw any sort of payment. Tyson started stepping in and taking over. He helped me pay for a better daycare for Cash so I didn’t have to worry anymore. He took Cash to daycare in the morning when he was visiting. He was loving and wanted to be there. He wanted to FaceTime with Cash every day so Cash would know who he was. He was better, and has been better, than I could have imagined.
After we moved to California my ex’s phone calls to Cash kept getting shorter and shorter with more time passing in between. I was angry. And honestly, I was hurt. I wanted my son to have his ‘dad’ in his life. I felt like it was unfair that he would just disappear from his life.I never wanted Cash to feel like he wasn’t wanted. I was terrified of how this might affect him.
My ex never called on Thanksgiving and I tried to brush it off. Then Christmas came and went with no calls. I was beyond angry. We spent that Christmas in Georgia with Tyson’s family and the day after Christmas all the boys went golfing. I spent that day crying. I talked to my ex and demanded he tell me why he didn’t call. His response was that he ‘just didn’t think about it.’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could you just not think about your child on Christmas. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my children. I have only left Cash for more than a day once, when I came to SF to visit Tyson, and I missed him every single day. I was gone three days and I had multiple panic attacks because I was worried about him.
Now I am getting off track.
Let’s fast forward to May 2015. My ex had not talked to Cash since November or December of 2014. It had been well over 6 months, which was the requirement for abandonment in Utah. We hired an attorney and started the process of having his rights revoked. We did the process in Utah because we had a better chance of accomplishing what we wanted and at a much lower cost.
I do want to be completely honest though, it was hard for me to start this process. I had a hard time letting go of the idea of Cash having both of these men in his life. I have such a great relationship with my step mom and I have my mom as well. I feel fortunate that I have two moms to lean on and get support from if need be. I wanted the same for Cash, but I had to come to the realization that my ex was not good for Cash. He was not a good parent and Cash deserves the best. He deserves the absolute best!
My ex was in jail at the time and got served paperwork stating I was trying to revoke his rights. It gave him detailed instructions on what to do if he wanted to contest the process from going forward. All he did was send the judge a letter stating he wanted to be there and be a dad to Cash. He got out of jail and never called. He got out of jail and went to the bar that same day. Nothing had changed. 6 months in jail did nothing to change his mind or set him straight.
His rights were revoked and we were on to the next step.
According to Utah State law Tyson and I had to be married for a year for the adoption process to go through, so we got married July 10, 2014. We just went to the court house in SF with our closest family. It’s not what I dreamed of or wanted, but Cash and his needs come first.
Cash’s adoption hearing was set for August 25. It was quick and sweet. My dad, stepmom, and aunt were there to support us, and help with Tate. I am so thankful Tyson came into our lives and loved Cash the way he does. He is such an incredible daddy and role model for our boys. I couldn’t have found a better man to love and raise our children with.
Here is Cash, Tate, and I at the airport getting ready to go to Utah on August 24.
These pictures are from the 24th when we went to dinner with some family in Utah.
Of course Bryson and Cash just had so much fun playing together.
Cash and Auntie Karen had matching shoes.
Grandma and Pap Pap always love baby snuggles.
And pictures from right after court.
We are so lucky to have such supportive family. ❤