End of the Year

End of the Year

Well, today is the day. 2016 is over in just a few hours. I know some of us are glad and some of us couldn’t care less. I am personally fine with the year. However, it does feel like I am closing the door on a difficult time in my life and marriage. My postpartum depression made this year very tough for my family, but I finally feel like I am close to the end now. I am so thankful that my husband stuck by my side through it all and didn’t give up. I am thankful to be starting 2017 with a brighter attitude.

On a side note, while I was in the gym locker room today everyone kept saying “See you next year!” *giggle giggle*. For fuck’s sake. Shut up. It’s not cute and it’s not funny. Maybe I am just finding it especially annoying because I’m having a rough day today with my “big black dog” or maybe it is legit annoying to other people and I’m not just being a big bitch.

Anywho…

Here are a few firsts I accomplished this year:

  1. Ran in my first 5k race (in Boston)
  2. Visited Boston (my first trip to ever see the East Coast)
  3. Celebrated my first wedding anniversary
  4. Made my own friend here in California (a huge deal for me) 
  5. Went to my first UGA game 
  6. Started school

A few of my lows:

  1. I was not a good wife or mother this year (my depression, insecurities, and anxiety got in the way constantly)
  2. Argued with my mom (by far the worst argument we’ve ever been in) 

A few of my highs:

  1. Tyson took me to see Wicked and Beyonce this year (They were both absolutely amazing)
  2. Watching my children grow has been magical
  3. I started school (and finished the year off with a 4.0) 

I’m looking forward to 2017 and all it has to offer. I am excited to continue with school, put Cash in preschool, write for this blog, spend more time with my family and friends, as well as overcome some of my insecurities and anxiety.

The world had quite a few highs and lows as well this year. There were so many famous people who touched millions of lives who passed this year. Among these are David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Prince, Muhammad Ali, Arnold Palmer, Buddy Ryan, Antonin Scalia, and Craig Sager.

Our highs:

  1. First female presidential candidate (You go Hilary!) 
  2. We all cheered on Michael Phelps as he made history (and secretly stalked Baby Boomer’s IG because he is so god damn cute)
  3.  Kobe Bryant retired (life long Jazz fan and Laker hater 😉 )
  4. The world watched at Usain Bolt stopped an interview to respect United State’s national anthem being played 
  5. Simone Biles crushed it at the olympics 
  6. Every single Obama/Biden meme
  7. Dakota Access Pipeline Victory 
  8. Cubs won the world series for the first time in 108 years
  9. Mother Teresa declared a saint (for those of you who aren’t Catholic, this is a big deal) 

Our lows:

  1. Donald Trump (nothing else needs to be said here)
  2. Pulse Night Club shooting 
  3. Brussels terrorist attacks 
  4. Nice terrorist attack
  5. Dallas police officers being fatally shot. 
  6. Every single police brutality case and black man shot by police. EVERY FUCKING ONE. 
  7. Brexit (I’m not sure if this is bad or good yet, but it definitely doesn’t seem great)
  8. The killing of Harambe (don’t hate me because I judge that parent) 
  9. Deadly Oakland warehouse fire
  10. Ecuador earthquake and Italy earthquake 
  11. Munich terrorist attack 

Even though we may not have the brightest future when it comes to politics this year and terrorist attacks riddled 2016 let’s try and make 2017 better and brighter. ❤

Cheers!

Tom Cruise kind of crazy

So last night after Tyson got off work we went downtown to pick up an outfit for me to wear to a wedding reception tonight. We were out for roughly an hour and a half. We decided to brave it and not take the double stroller, or a stroller at all! Tyson carried Tate and Cash walked with me while holding his pokemon toys. Both the boys were really well behaved, I was shocked at how well behaved they were.

We were in Anthropology, I had picked out my outfit, and we were ready to go. Tyson was sitting on one of the chairs with Tate so I walked over to him and offered to trade the clothes for Tate and I turn my head and Cash is jumping on the couch! In the middle of Anthropology! WHAT THE HELL CHILD?!?!?! He knows better! He gets in trouble for that at home, at grandma’s house, at friend’s houses, etc. He knows damn well that is not acceptable behavior. Tyson got mad at him and he got down.

I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t believe he would do that in public, in a busy store, and right in front of the wedding section no less. UGH!

But then as I was laying in bed later that night I couldn’t help but laugh. Why was I so embarrassed? Kids do stupid shit. That’s how they learn. He had never been to a store that had couches before (at least not that I can think of), and he had been such a good boy for the rest of the time.

I thought back to when we first caught him jumping and he just had a look of pure joy on his face. He was having so much fun and did not care who knew it. And oddly, even though I don’t ever want him to do that again, I thought it was so sweet. I love watching my children smile and laugh out of pure joy.

These are the times I cherish.

Moments of pure joy like that idiot Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch. No shame. ❤

 

Meal Planning

The other day Tyson told me his mom used to make a full dinner every night (not just pasta or soup and warm bread) even when she was working full time. He didn’t mean to but it made me feel pretty shitty. It made me think of our friend Jan and her blog appropriately named The Shitty Housewife.  She says it perfectly when she says “I try. I really do.” Because I do try, sometimes I just try a lot less than other times, and usually less than other housewives.

I will be honest, I don’t particularly enjoy cooking. And I especially don’t enjoy cooking with our current situation. It’s a shock Tyson isn’t sick and tired of pasta. 😦

We only have one car right now so I have to pick up Tyson from Bart. I get a 45 minute warning of when he will be home so I literally have no idea what to expect day to day. It’s hard to cook when you don’t know when to prep or when to start. And it’s not like I can start dinner and leave to go get Tyson with everything still cooking. We are usually gone for 30-45 minutes, and that just isn’t safe!

Eating together is just not really an option. Tate needs to be in bed around 7 and Cash needs to be in bed around 8:30, however we usually don’t get home until 7 or 730. So eating together is not going to happen unless dinner is done when we get home, which we obviously can’t do.

Anyway, back to having a home cooked meal every night. I don’t enjoy cooking; we’ve covered that. I don’t enjoy looking around for new recipes to use either. I don’t enjoy this because I am picky with a lot of different foods and Tyson doesn’t particularly like chicken, which I feel like is the majority of recipes (maybe I’m just looking in the wrong places). I am willing to try new foods; especially now because Tyson used to constantly complain about how picky I was. So that’s a step in the right direction. 🙂

Now because of his comment from the other night I have started trying to meal plan. It started on Monday with a pre seasoned pork tenderloin, left over mashed potatoes, and pre seasoned sugar snap peas. Tyson and Cash were fans, but I actually don’t like pork tenderloin so it was just alright for me. Tuesday was oven baked chicken tacos, which we both really like. The problem with these is they take quite a while to make. They aren’t an easy 35 minute meal. Wednesday was supposed to be Mexican and rice casserole which we both like but we had to go shopping for an outfit for a wedding today and just got home late. On top of being home late Tyson wasn’t feeling very good so I made rice for him and I had a rice/veggie bowl – just another shitty housewife moment. Today we have a wedding reception to go to so I am prepping our dinner for tomorrow which will be Kahlua pork and an asian noodle salad.

It’s only Thursday and I’m already dreading cooking for the rest of the week. 😦

I can only have so many crockpot meals and Tyson doesn’t like leftovers so I don’t know how he would feel about make-a-head frozen meals…

Anyone have any tips or tricks for us?

Hello, I’m a millennial.

Hello, I’m a millennial.

Simon Sinek gave a talk on millennials in the workplace on Inside Quest (IQ) with Tom Bilyeu. (You can watch the video here on youtube) I have gone back and watched this 15 minute video a few times now and want to make some serious changes in my life. Here’s a break-down of what he said.

Millennials, people born after 1984 are supposedly tough to manage because they are entitled, lazy, narcissistic, self-interested, and unfocused. He breaks down the reason this is into 4 categories; parenting, technology, impatience, and environment.

Parenting:

He states that many millennials were subject to ‘failed parenting strategies.’ Which is essentially the idea that everyone can be whatever they want to be (without having to work for it), they are told they are special (all the time), they get trophies for everything (even those who come in last). Participation trophies make the people who worked hard and deserve it unhappy as well as makes the person receiving the participation trophy embarrassed because they know they don’t deserve it. An entire generation is growing up and realizing they can’t’ have everything they want just because they want it which leaves us with a generation with much lower self-esteem. We are also using social media to show off their perfect lives when they are actually depressed.

Technology:

Getting text messages, likes, and talking about oneself through social media makes you feel good, it releases dopamine. It’s releasing the exact same chemical that is released when we smoke, drink, and gamble. Social media and our cell phones are extremely addictive because of this.

Simon goes on to make the point that we have age restrictions on smoking, alcohol, and gambling but none on social media. Simon compares that to an adolescent drinking to deal with his/her stresses – it is essentially the same thing. You have an entire generation that has access to addictive and numbing dopamine through social media and their cell phones, but nothing to stop them.

He continues on to explain that as we grow up we are supposed to learn how to lean on our friends to help us deal with stress. Unfortunately, some teens learn about alcohol and it’s numbing effects so going forward into adulthood they will depend on alcohol during hard times instead of a person. Now millennials are doing the same thing but with social media. Too many kids don’t know how to form meaningful relationships and don’t know how to deal with stress. Many of their friendships are superficial so when they have something stressful going on in their life they turn to social media or a device instead of a person because it makes them feel good.

There have been studies that show the people who spend more time on Facebook suffer from higher rates of depression than those who spend less time on Facebook. Now he’s not saying social media is bad. He gives the analogy of alcohol isn’t bad, too much alcohol is bad. Gambling is fun, too much gambling is dangerous. The same goes with social media and cell phones. If you are out to dinner with friends and you are texting someone who isn’t there, you have a problem. If you are sitting in a meeting and put your phone on the table, you are sending a subconscious message to the rest of the room that they are not that important to you. If you check your phone in the morning before you say good morning to your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend, you are addicted. Addictions cost you time, money, relationships, and ultimately make your life worse.

Impatience:

These kids don’t have to be patient. They have grown up in a world of instant gratification; Amazon, Netflix, OnDemand, etc. We don’t even have to learn how to date, there’s Tinder for that now. Everything we could ever want there is instant gratification except job gratification and relationships. Simon says that we need to learn patience. Joy, love, self-confidence, a skill set, job gratification all take time. He states that because millennials have not learned these skills or coping mechanisms there are increased suicide rates, increased rates of accidental deaths due to drug overdoses, and increased number of students dropping out of school or taking a leave of absence due to depression. The best-case scenario is an entire generation who goes through life without ever finding deep fulfillment or joy in work or life.

Environment:

For his final point Simon states that we are putting these millennials who were dealt a bad hand, through no fault of their own, and put them in a corporate environment which cares more about the numbers than it does the actual people. These corporate environments aren’t helping them learn cooperation, how to over-come the challenges of a digital world, or overcome the need to have instant gratification. Millennials are blaming themselves, they think they are entirely to blame. He claims there is a lack of good leadership in our world which could change this.

He has some good ideas on how to make little changes that could help. The first one being no cell phones in the conference room. When you are waiting for the meeting to start, talk to your coworkers, don’t sit on your phone! When you’re out with friends leave your cellphones at home. We need to remove the temptation. It’s like being an alcoholic, you need to remove the alcohol from your house so you are not tempted. Don’t charge your phones by your bed, charge it in the living room. When you wake up in the middle of the night you won’t check your phone because it’s in the living room.

 

Now, this leads me to what little changes I would like to make going forward.

Listening to this talk really hit home with me. I see a lot of myself in what he said. I do expect instant gratification. It’s frustrating for me when someone doesn’t do what I want right away or I can’t get what I want right away. I will be honest; I do feel entitled from time to time; my mom and grandparents are definitely to blame for this trait I have. I have a hard time building relationships. I am constantly on my phone. I do struggle with depression. Sometimes I do feel like I’m just coasting by in life.

I don’t want to be this person anymore. I want to find joy and gratification in my life. I want to break my addiction to Facebook and Instagram. I want to break my addiction to the games I play on my cell phone. I want to break my addiction to my cellphone all together. I want to build meaningful relationships with new friends.

So, going forward I don’t want to be on my phone for the majority of the day. I don’t want to be on my phone if I am out with friends (I can’t leave my phone at home because I have children and it would give me major anxiety if I couldn’t reach them or they couldn’t reach me). I don’t want to just sit on the couch with my husband at night with both of us on our phones – he’s not a millennial but he has very similar tendencies – I will explain this in a moment. Most importantly, I don’t want my children growing up addicted to the cell phone.

Since Wednesday of last week I have refused to be on my phone unless I was alone. I don’t scroll through Facebook or Instagram, I don’t play any games on my phone, or write for this blog while I am with my kids or husband. I do all of that the few hours a day I get alone. We went to a wedding reception where I knew no one and I checked my phone once, to look at the time to determine when we needed to leave and be on time for our sitter.

To be honest, I’m quite proud of myself. Cash has not been on my phone since then either, which is also a big plus because he loves to watch youtube videos as much as I let him.

Now, on to explain my husband’s habits:

Tyson was born in 1978 and is not part of millennial group, however he is just as big of an offender as I am. Last Thursday two instances stood out to me and gave me prime examples of why I want to rethink the way I deal with my phone, social media, and my family.

He was working from home that day and we went to the gym so we could work without kid interruptions. He came down after his work out and I was telling him about a conversation I had with my cousin while he was working out; she is going through a similar situation with her son and her ex that we did with Cash and my ex. I was talking to Tyson about what she had said to me and he was only kind of listening. He picked up his phone and started texting while I was talking to him. He didn’t even respond when I had asked him a question. He didn’t even acknowledge the fact that I had asked him a question, I don’t think he even heard me. He was too wrapped up in whoever he was texting to notice his wife was talking to him. And sadly we have both done this before to each other and our kids.
Then later that same day he was on a phone call with a coworker discussing how they want to go forward with some processes and Salesforce. While he was on this phone call he was scrolling through Instagram. How invested is he on the call or whatever this coworker was saying if he’s on Instagram?
I was baffled. After watching this short clip I want to change our lives. I told him about the clip and what Simon had to say and the only thing he took away from it is that he does not want the kids to rely on the phones for entertainment. However, I want to go deeper than that. I want the two of us to quit using our phones so much. I honestly think I will be the only one making the change at first, but hey at least I will be setting a good example for the kiddos.

What are your thoughts on this subject? Are you a millennial? Are you a Gen Xer? A baby boomer? How do our lives differ?

 

Please tell me it’s just a phase

Cash has started hitting. I hate admitting this to anyone, let alone myself. I have no idea where this is coming from. It’s not like he’s frustrated with something and hits out of anger or frustration. He’s just hitting. 😦

On Friday or Saturday, I can’t remember, he was playing with Tyson (not play fighting either) and he just reared back and punched him in the face. Tyson picked him up and put him in his room for timeout right then. Tyson went in after a few minutes and talked to him, thinking that would solve the problem.

But on Monday Cash and I were playing ‘Star Wars’ (he has light sabers and a Darth Vader mask) and he punched me in the face while I was wearing the mask. We weren’t play fighting either. I sent him to his room and then went in and talked to him after a few minutes. I tried a different angle. I asked him if he liked when Beckham (our friend’s very young son hit him pretty hard, and unprovoked, the day before) hit him. He of course said no, so I asked if he thinks I like it when he hits me. He said no again and then told me I hurt his feelings. Ugh!

The following day Tate was in the highchair and Cash was just playing with him. Cash grabbed a stuffed animal and started hitting his brother in the head. This stuffed animal has big plastic eyes, which of course had to hit Tate in the head. Tate started crying and I sent Cash to his room, again. After a few minutes I went in to talk to him. I brought up the Beckham situation again and then told him he lost his game for the rest of the night and the next day. He also lost his privilege to getting a treat that night after eating all his dinner. Cash then told me I make his whole day so sad. Damn this kid knows how to hit all the feels. 😦

I thought taking away his game and his treat would do the trick but an hour later he was getting ready for bed and slapped Tyson’s hand. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! Why? So he got a stern talking to and he lost my phone for the night and the next day.

I just don’t know what to do. Losing privileges hasn’t worked, getting time out hasn’t work, and being yelled at isn’t working. What am I doing wrong? Does he need to have longer timeouts (ours are roughly 3-5 minutes)? Does he need to lose privileges for longer periods of time?

I don’t want him to be a bully. I don’t want him to be ‘that kid.’ 😦

What do you guys do to deal with kids who are hitting?

Top 5 advantages to being a young mom

Top 5 advantages to being a young mom

I got pregnant with Cash at 22. We were trying to have him and it was very normal for people our age to have children that young, or younger, in Utah. When I moved to San Francisco I quickly learned the normal time to have children was sometime in your 30’s. And quite honestly, it baffled me, but I think that was just because I was used to being from Utah where everyone had kids young.

As I have matured and become a better parent, and person in general, I have spent some time thinking about this. Would it have been easier to wait to have children? Yes, of course. Would it have been smarter to wait to have children? Yes, of course. If I could do it all over again would I wait until later in life? No way, and here’s why.

  1. Having Cash made me grow up.
    Until then I was drinking way too much, like way too much! I was working in a title loan company, which was not the safest place to work with no room to move up. I was in unstable relationships but had such low self esteem I would date complete losers because I didn’t think I could be alone. But after I had Cash I had a purpose in my life. I had someone I needed to take care of and who solely depended me on. I took that seriously and tried making a better life for us.
  2. I will be a young empty nester.
    I miss out on a lot of fun things my friends do because I have kids. And I will be completely honest with you, it sucks sometimes. I love going out and having a good time but that’s just not as easy when you have two kids under 4. However, I will be 44 when Tate leaves for college. 44! How amazing does that sound? Most of my friends will still have kids in middle school or younger at that same age! When I am 44 I will be able to travel and not worry about baby sitters, my kids missing school, taking the kids with, etc. Tyson and I will get to enjoy our time together while I am still quite young. I say when I am quite young because Tyson will be 56 when Tate leaves for college. (I still love you, dear. <3)
  3. I get to grow with my children.
    I definitely still have a lot of growing up to do. A lot of experiences will happen with my children at my side. When I graduate college both my boys will be old enough to remember it, and that makes me proud. I am glad they get to watch me work hard for something I think is important. I am thankful they will get to watch me struggle but refuse to give up. They will learn, through watching me, that when things get hard you don’t just give up.
  4. It was easier for me to adjust to parenthood (in some aspects).
    I didn’t have all of my 20’s to spread my oats and experience life so when I had Cash not much of my life changed. I was still struggling to pay all of my bills, I was still working a dead end job, and I was still figuring myself out. Now I know that doesn’t sound like a great situation but I think it worked for us. I didn’t have a decade to enjoy myself, make a career for myself, etc. So when Cash came it was less of an adjustment for me than it would be for someone who was 33 with a stable career and social life. I definitely wasn’t as mentally prepared as I thought I was, but as time has gone on I’ve realized you can never truly prepare yourself for parenthood. It fucks with EVERYONE!
  5. Bounce Back Body!
    Now I know this is entirely up to genetics, but age doesn’t hurt. My body hasn’t changed a ton after having two children and I rarely work out (I never did until I met my husband). I’ve gotten extremely lucky by not having any stretch marks on my stomach or boobs or having a severe “mom pooch.” I truly believe that has something to do with how young I was when I had both kids.

There are cons too, but why focus on the negative right?

Hands up young mamas!

Own it!

cool-mom